Recently I have begun a meditation practice using the mantra Ahum Idam. I resisted this practice initially. It was a homework assignment from my meditation teacher Dr. Lorin Roche. I received this assignment back in October, 2017. I know myself pretty well and if there is resistance in my body/mind there is a pretty good chance there is some juicy stuff in there for me to look at. Another opportunity to understand myself and how I move through life.
The translation of “Ahum” is “I Am.” It is a state of being, a state of I am-ness. A realization that you have arrived in this world to be, you are pure light and pure love. You are born in the energy of love and light. There is a certain vibration that is occurring as you arrive into the world. Could that vibration be AHUM? Idam is translated as “I Act or I do.” And that mantra also contains a vibration. As I sat in my favorite meditation space, early in the morning just a couple of weeks ago, surrounded by my pack of dogs (my favorite position lately) I began the repetition of Ahum Idam. The ahum mantra was familiar to me for I had used this repetition for years. I liked it. Sometimes the English variation would come through as I sat quietly, and then the Sanskrit would float in. After a few minutes, IDAM wanderered in. After settling into a rhythm of ahum idam, the images came streaming in. Feminine, masculine and the images of Shiva and Shakti, back and forth, flowing seamlessly from one to the other. I was in the flow and loving what this mantra was waking up within my mind, body and spirit.
I am the balance of masculine and feminine.
Let’s look at feminine energy and see how this relates to your life. I think it is important to remind ourselves that we are made of energy. We have electrical currents flowing through us all day and all night. The currents embody qualities and one of those qualities is femininity. And let’s be clear. Both men and women contain these energies. A feminine energy has the qualities of intuition, allowing, receptivity and dreams. Being open and aware, going with the flow, watery and fluid. Can we be too feminine? Yes! Not standing up for yourself and giving up all control are signs of being too feminine. I also believe we become ungrounded or anxious when the feminine is taking over. AHUM.
Masculine energy has an ego-driven quality to it. Living from your head, being in control (not letting go!) producing and constantly going. We become tired, over-stimulated, stressed out and irritable. Running on auto-pilot and not living from our hearts but rather from our heads results in feeling a lack of intimacy – with others and with life. We are taught in this culture that if we aren’t producing we’re lazy and unmotivated, not worthy of taking up space.
I am writing this piece because of my realization that I have both of these energies.
When I fail to soften, I realize that it comes from fear.
It comes from not trusting myself to feel into each moment, each breath. And when I laid down my ego driven, masculine side with the ahum idam meditation, a beautiful world opened up more fully for me. Perhaps this is why I have taken to the practice of Yin Yoga, like a fish in water, a balancing practice, a way to temper my attraction to the “doing” that I was so familiar with. A practice that has allowed me to heal my tired, overworked body and mind. A practice of trust.